Sometimes (like tonight) it takes a long time to get Ryan to sleep and it feels frustrating at the time, especially when he is fighting it and overtired. But when I do finally get him to sleep and he looks so peaceful it all feels worth it :) I think he is teething - he has got a new tooth through at the bottom so the opposite one should be due any day.

I am thinking for Christmas I want to get him a doll's pushchair (one that folds up so I can take it with me to places more easily than his wooden push along truck) and possibly a toy hoover or dustpan and brush since he is obsessed with them. I do want to get him a doll to go with the pushchair because they are supposed to be good for emotional development but I don't know if he's too little yet - and his Christmas list is looking more like a stereotypical girls' present list which doesn't bother me but I think James might object so I am wondering whether I ought to try and balance it out a bit! He did get mostly car related toys for his birthday.

I think I want a Toddler Patapum. I loved the wrap when I had Ryan on my back but I am too uncoordinated to do a back carry by myself with it, I think. And the Patapum is half the price of the Ergo and they have a separate toddler or baby one so it's more designed for back carries/heavier weights and the back comes up a lot higher so I won't be worried about him arching and falling out if he decides he wants to get down (there seems no warning from happy to back arching, though hopefully that will change when he can ask).

Ryan took a few steps unaided today. He didn't seem to notice he'd done it though! We have been out for a nice walk, I had him in the sling on my back, which was really comfy when done properly. I was carrying him for nearly an hour and I don't have a single ache or pain related to it now - usually my arms hurt if I have just been holding him more than usual! He chattered away to my Dad and wasn't a bit scared of 3 jumpy, barking dogs, despite being terrified of James' Mum's dogs. Even in his carseat with one in the boot staring him in the eye he didn't seem fazed.

He is very clearly doing the sign for "milk" now which is very cute. I wasn't sure for a while if he was just waving but he did it very insistently in my face the other day and then took a proper feed, rather than a snacky one, when I offered it to him.

We forgot to get any Hallowe'en sweets in so I have stuck a note on the door saying "Baby sleeping, please don't knock, thank you"! I suppose it is a bit "humbug" but last year all we got were some surly teenagers anyway. I gave them some lollies James had bought from Makro about a year before which had started to go a bit sludgy (but were fine apart from that). I haven't heard anyone knock on anyone else's door though so we might have been ok.

I am going to the doctor on Wednesday to have blood tests because I have lost a lot of weight. I weigh about 6 stone 13 which is not good at all, my BMI is 13.9 which is basically the opposite to "Obese" but doesn't have a name other than underweight.

Today Ryan has been taking bottles out of the recycling box and putting them in the cat litter tray. And then taking the cat litter and putting it in the cat food bowl. And then eating some. And appearing to enjoy it!

Still, at least it shows he is feeling better! He has been ill since Sunday with a cold which turned into a chest infection and is now on antibiotics, which seem to be helping a bit. But it meant he missed his own birthday (Monday) in a haze of sleeping and feeding and being fretful and hot :( It's funny in a way as it's almost like having a newborn again - that feeling of when will I be able to put him down for 5 minutes so I can have something to eat? And quite nice to have him so snuggly as he is so active all the time now.

He is asleep now and hopefully I will be able to upload some photos of our holiday in the IOW (very overdue) and his joint NCT first birthday party (slightly less overdue!).

We have missed sing and sign today and I think he must know as he has suddenly produced loads of signs out of the blue - he does Dog if you sing anything about a dog or he hears a toy saying "Dog", Music if he hears music (and is in the right mood), Milk and Pick Me Up at appropriate times. He also keeps saying "Up" but I think it's more a sound than a word, he just walks around saying "Up. Up. Up. Up. Up. Up. Up." and not seeming to want to be picked up. He's not quite walking yet - I think he could as when I hold his hands he barely leans on me at all now - but he is standing more and more without support. His feet are huge and he has already grown out of the size 12-18 month shoes I got him. My mum got him some totes slippers in size 18-24 months and there is only about 1cm of room for his toes to grow in them!

( Photo Montage of Ryan's first year )

We got back yesterday from a week in the Isle of Wight. It was really good - Ryan loved the beach! We stayed in a really nice self-catering house which was really geared up for families and had a cot, stairgate and highchair, even toys for Ryan to play with. We went around on the buses all week as well and went over on the hovercraft which was fun. The beach was probably the best though - Ryan would have sat playing in the sand for hours, I think. We are going to get him a sandpit for next summer. He would sit there and giggle to himself, and he crawled off a long way as well and charmed strangers! James gave him loads of sweets though - I disapproved but let him off as we were on holiday. I just ended up being a bit hypocritical though because I was being all judgy at the beginning of the holiday about a woman we saw take her 9 month old daughter's dummy, dunk it in her glass of coke and give it back to her.

Ryan is also now walking while holding our hands, and he was very excited to get home to his wooden push-along walker.

Sorry for short update! Will put pictures up at some point.

I found out what the sleep problems were being caused by. Ryan was constipated and I feel awful for not noticing sooner! He has now been asleep since half past 7 and only woken slightly and was easily settled - back to normal and something I am much more happy with. I should go to bed really now before he decides to get up at 6am!

Lots of things to post about.

Next week I am going to do a few hours at work. I am having a bit of a wibble about leaving Ryan. :( Monday he will be with James, which should be fine, but then there is Tuesday (James' sister Becky), Wednesday (My sister Catherine) and Friday (My mum). I am sure he will be ok as it is during the day so they will have lots of things to distract him with, and he knows them all well, and he has been left in the evenings before with no problems... just a bit scared! It is only for 2 weeks though.

Secondly, we bought stairgates. And a baby prison playpen. (Since he has outgrown his bouncy chair) And we are sort of thinking about putting the 4th side on the cot, but I don't really want to yet... it's just a possible solution... Ugh, I was going to post something long and boring about sleep but I will spare you. In short Ryan is fighting sleep in the evenings and does not seem tired (but then gets overtired) I am fed up of being offered advice on this issue so please, no more! I'm sure we will work something out. Tonight I gave up after an hour and a half of yoyoing up and down the stairs trying to put him to bed and just put him in his car seat and swung it back and forth - I suspect my back/shoulders will not thank me! But he is asleep now and I will transfer him into bed in a minute.

I burnt my arm yesterday on a mug which had been in the microwave for 1 minute. I have no idea how this happened and am a bit paranoid that it wasn't the mug and was some kind of microwave jumping at me, so have been too scared to use it since! It's quite bad and took the first layer of skin off, but I didn't really want to go to A&E and get swine flu so was quite glad to see the NHS website said it could be treated at home.

I just won a Wilkinet baby sling on ebay for £7.50! They are £45 new and usually go for about £20 on ebay so I am pleased with that. It's a bit less hippyish looking so I am hoping James will wear it. I also want to be able to put Ryan on my back on my own.

Ryan is 9 months old tomorrow, thought I would post some pictures of everyday activities for him.

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My cousin Maria is coming to stay with us for a few days. She's on the train at the moment, we are going to pick her up in about 20 minutes. I am soo excited, we haven't seen each other for 3 years and we have one of those friendships where it can be 3 years but when we speak, it's like it was last week :) She hasn't met James or Ryan so that will be fun too. I am cooking a huge chilli tonight as my mum and Catherine (my sister) are coming over.

Ryan was really hot again last night :( It wasn't as bad as last time and was ongoing from about 3am until 4.30 when I managed to get a dribble of calpol down him. (And loads on the bed sheets) I gave up and just got up at 5am in the end! He has been a little bit unsettled today but not too bad, I think worse because we keep waking him up when we go and do things, poor Ryan. Actually, it sounds odd but it's almost as though it's related to this really hot sticky weather we've had today, both times he has been ill with a temperature it has been really hot the following day, and it's only been when it started to cool down that he was ok. I know I get really hot and bothered in the heat so it could be related I suppose.

I am all jittery and excited and can't wait for James to get home so we can go to the train station!

Oh and it's my birthday on Tuesday and I wanted to go out (it's my 21st, weirdly enough!) but I haven't been able to express much milk at all :( I have got about 3 oz out in total over the last 3-4 days. Next time I will definitely express more earlier on and build up a freezer stock. I know that technically I don't mind leaving formula but it would have been nice to say he never ever had a drop! I'm sure he'd drink such a small amount that cow's milk would be ok as a one-off but I don't know if the taste is too different, he's not used to having it as a drink anyway.

Interesting debate has been sparked over the past couple of days on a couple of places about what people tend to plan before their baby is born, and the reality of what you ended up doing. I decided to write up our experiences in a meme-like form, so you are welcome to steal it if you wish. (Also, interesting for non-parents, especially those of you who want kids, to go through and think about your own choices) :) I tried not to miss out anything so there are a few things I didn't even think about in advance, if you think I have missed anything please ask, I'd love to be able to look back on this in a few months/years.

( Cut for length )

Sorry I am so useless at updating here :( I have my camera back!

We have had a difficult few weeks. Ryan has been teething and not sleeping and I ended up ill last week because I was getting no sleep and still not eating. I am really underweight at the moment and I have to start eating more. I just forget - and probably breastfeeding is using up those calories as well, which won't be helping (not that I'm going to stop, but you know). I am feeling much better this week but Ryan had 2 accidents in one day - he launched himself off the sofa into a metal table, banging his head, and then rolled off the bed in his sleep and landed face down on the floor, cutting his cheek on a phone charger and bruising all up round his eye :( It really scared me as well because he must have been winded as he fell, I had run up the stairs and grabbed him and cuddled him before he had even let out his breath and cried. Then I felt awful because I'd left him far too close to the edge. But he is ok now which is the main thing. He is so lovely and loves kissing, and playing "peekaboo" games - he will hide himself and pop out at you and grin! I think he gets a bit bored at home so I am wanting to start doing more regular things with him. We haven't even been swimming yet!

I hope this journal becomes a bit more interesting soon. Pictures will be up within the next week or so, I think. Hope everyone is well.

My camera is still broken :( Hopefully I will have it back soon. But until then here are a few pictures from last week...

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:)

We have CRAWLING.

Ryan decided that following the milestones of backwards crawling and circle crawling is not for him. He started crawling commando-style! Luckily not very fast yet which buys me some time for babyproofing...

Ryan is 7 months now and I have noticed 2 big developmental leaps today! Firstly he was examining something on the carpet and looked to be trying to pick it up between thumb and forefinger, so I put him in his highchair with some raisins and within about 10 minutes he had mastered the pincer grip and was happily occupied for a while then eating them.

Then tonight we were having pasta bake for dinner. He finds pasta quite difficult as it's slippery and the type of pasta we have at the moment is too small to pick up, so I usually spear a few bits on a toddler fork for him and hand it over and he eats the pasta off like a lollipop. Then tonight when he had finished the mouthful, he handed the fork back to me to put some more pasta on it for him! This is really exciting as it's like the first time he's understood something I've done for him and cooperated with it :) - before he would get upset when I took the fork off him to get more pasta.

He's also saying "Da da di di di da da di di" and he does kisses which is basically latching onto your cheek/chin but is very cute and is ecstatic if you kiss him back :)

My camera is still broken though :(

Sorry I haven't updated in ages. I haven't been on LJ much at all. I do come in occasionally and read journals though... and I have a meme to repost. And I want to start writing again.

That's all really. Also my camera is broken. When I get it back I will post some pictures.

Hope everyone is ok?

I have noticed that Ryan seems to be less bothered about dummies now. He rejects them more often than not when offered and doesn't seem to need them for any naps now, which is good! I have put them all out of sight so I don't get tempted to try and use one, but we still have them for emergencies. But am kind of hoping he has self-weaned from them.

I made him his own little seat yesterday in a washing basket! We haven't got a bumbo or anything like that but he still can't sit unaided, yet is not happy to lie down and play with toys - he tries to crawl and goes nowhere and gets frustrated, so we have to sit him up to play, but he can't be propped up on things because he falls sideways - so I had a brainwave, padded a washing basket (one of the rectangular ones) with blankets and wedged him in there - perfect, he could sit and happily play with his toys, and although he could throw them out if he wanted to, he couldn't accidentally kick stuff away!

Also, just a little note. I was reading somewhere that at this age, babies aren't supposed to look for things which fall outside their field of vision - if they can't see it, they should assume it has stopped existing - but Ryan does look for things he has dropped/thrown etc, even if he can't see them. The exception is if he drops it because he has been distracted by something else (as happens a lot when he is eating).

We have just finished a roast chicken dinner. (yes I know it's late... James works late hours and doesn't always know what time he will finish, so we quite often eat late. Also ETA it has taken me over an hour to write this entry!) I am very pleased with how it turned out, it's funny because I am quite confident with cooking most things but I have had a bit of a mental block with roast dinners for ages. When I was expecting Ryan there was a disastrous one which involved crying and hyperventilation over the potatoes not being right! So it was a bit stressful tonight but all went ok - apart from the gravy, but that was ok. I've just stripped it down as well and am saving the carcass (to make stock) and the leftover chicken for tomorrow night's dinner which is a risotto thing with chicken and peppers. Nom. Ryan seemed to enjoy it as well, or at least the broccoli went everywhere, lol. He has eaten loads today - for breakfast/brunch he had about half a banana, mashed and spread on ricecakes (he had about half an adult one - the baby ones are stupidly expensive, you just have to look out for the low salt ones.) and toast (again he had half a slice but probably ate about half of that and sucked the banana off the rest!)

No Easter eggs here but James got me some giant chocolate buttons! Apparently they had sold out of eggs. :)

Ryan has got a tooth!! That really snuck up on me, there have been no teething signs for weeks!

Weaning is going very well. He eats dinner almost every day and lunch some days too. And he is definitely swallowing more now. Big hits are toast, bananas and anything meaty. He had spaghetti bolognaise from a loaded spoon - by that I mean I let him control the spoon but kept my hand on it as well to try and stop him flinging it everywhere but was surprised to find he didn't even try - the spoon went straight into his mouth! He has also had loaded spoons of scrambled egg, and mashed potato. And he was gumming away on a bit of steak last night which was weird!! I think he's got the right idea though - suck all the juices and goodness out of it, and leave the actual meat fibre as that is what our bodies find hard to digest. I meant to get him weighed the other day but missed the clinic as I forgot what time it was on.

Ryan LOVES Bernard. When he walks into a room he squeals with delight and if he is within touching distance he giggles (finally got proper laughter at about a week short of 6 months!) and grabs. Luckily Bernard doesn't seem to mind. I try to show him how to stroke gently but I think grabbing is more interesting at this stage.

My camera is broken so I only have my phone camera :( But have got a couple of photos to upload. (More on my Flickr BTW.)
( Photos )

I think we have officially started solids. Ryan is 24 weeks on Sunday but I feel close enough to 6 months that I am happy and am being very relaxed about it all so I feel justified in being excited about it! I have decided to just give him some food to play with if he is seeming bored or wanting to join in while we are eating, and so far that is working out very well. He has had a little bit of steamed carrot, which he liked but I took off him as I was concerned the pieces were too small and a bit hard. Then he had an unsalted chip, the reaction to that was to chew it in half and gum a small bit of potato out of it which he then coughed up before he could manage to swallow it. I went out for breakfast with my mum yesterday (her car was being MOTed so we met up in the morning) and let him have most of my toast so that I could eat in peace, he mainly sucked on it and threw it onto the floor, but I have just found tiny little bits of seed husk in his nappy so he must have swallowed some of it! He then had a bit of cucumber at lunch but he licked it and made a lemon face! It just goes to show how different babies' tastebuds are to ours as I can barely taste cucumber at all.

We also went to the park for the first time the other day. I just held him on my lap on the swings but then put him down on the grass and realised it is the first time he has touched grass. He wasn't very impressed though...

We have had an eventful week. On Tuesday the NCT girls all came round (gingerbread was much enjoyed, and the house was as tidy as it ever has been!) They all fitted in which was good as I was worried they wouldn't. On Wednesday I went to a coffee morning run by Sarah who was our NCT course leader and met a lady who is really into natural parenting and things like that which was nice - I got chatting to her because I thought she looked familiar and it turned out we had met at the home birth group! She had managed to have a successful home birth and we had a chat about that and we swapped numbers and are going to meet for coffee some time.

But on the way back from that (Suzie was giving me a lift) we were on the dual carriageway and had to slow down suddenly and a van hit the back of Suzie's car. It was complete panic as both babies woke up and screamed but they were both fine, luckily. We went off in an ambulance to get checked over and were stuck in A&E for three hours which was frustrating as we were sure they were fine after the initial shock had worn off, but it was good to know they had been checked by a doctor and I much prefer the waiting around to if something worse had happened :(

Then James decided that he wanted to go up to Chester for the weekend (we have friends there who have a daughter 3 months older than Ryan) and I worried a lot about the car seat but really the impact was not much more than an emergency stop - the seatbelts didn't even lock - and we used it anyway. I did get a compromise out of James though and we have bought a Stage 0 + 1 car seat, which does from birth to 4 years - we were going to get one for 9 months - 4 years, which is Stage 1, anyway at some point - but the Stage 0 + 1 seats go both forward and rear facing and so on long journeys Ryan can be rearfacing even after he has outgrown the infant seat he has now. We managed to get a reduced one in an old fabric colour as well and it was only £99 so I think definitely a good buy.

In Chester Ryan was very unsettled the first night and I got about 4 hours sleep as I literally spent the rest of the night pacing around with him upright - he was very snuffly and finding it hard to breathe lying down, but he's not used to sleeping in our arms any more so it took ages to get him to sleep and then I had to go upstairs, kneel on the bed, sit down and finally lie down and roll him gently onto the bed on his own or sleep with him on my chest which he is getting a bit big to do comfortably. And then he would wake hungry or uncomfortable after about an hour or so and I had to go through it all again. The second night was much better - I don't know whether it was because he'd already slept in the room once because he seemed just as snuffly, but we put him in a travel cot with one end propped up which seemed to help.

Our friends' daughter Megan is 8.5 months now and it was lovely to see her crawling and really interacting with everything, I think she is probably a bit of a faster developer than Ryan will turn out to be but it was nice to see what we have to look forward to in the next few months - she was really like a little person, I know that sounds odd but I think I will see it more in Ryan as he becomes more mobile. He also tried out her Jumperoo and loved it which is good because we have ordered one from ebay for him! He has started doing a new noise - I made a "brrrrr" (as in brrr it's cold) noise for him and kept changing the pitch of it which he thought was really funny and now he lies on the floor or sits in your lap playing with his feet happily going "brrrrrrr brrrrrr brrrrrrrrr brrrrrrrrr" and sounding like a telephone! It is very cute!

Anyway today my friend (who we stayed with) got a phone call from her sister saying her son had come down with chicken pox... meaning her daughter may have caught it which means Ryan might have caught it too. So it is just a wait now to see whether or not he does come down with it and in the meantime I can't take him to any baby groups etc. I won't go to NCT tomorrow anyway because I feel rough myself now (with a cold) so at least I get to have a rest.

Just a quick update.

Ryan is teething and is miserable :( I am trying to use Ashton & Parson's teething powders but Calpol works so much better - I just feel guilty about it as it is so full of E numbers and I don't like using painkillers myself unless I have to - but I can't explain that to him of course and I hate seeing him in pain. So he has had Calpol 3 times in the last 4 days. I have found the teething powders work better if I give him the 6 month+ dose and am hoping that is okay. They are homeopathic so theoretically you can't overdose on them but they are in a lactose base and since he is not on solids I don't know whether that is bad.

He is also watching everything we eat and drink with great interest but I am being a mean mummy and not letting him have a taste of anything. James keeps wanting to feed him marmite on toast! Whereas I am mentally making a note of I could modify what we usually eat so that he could eat it too.

Bernard has become a great explorer and is now a pain to keep track of. We haven't got a cat flap so I have to keep him in at night or when we go out in case it rains, but if he isn't close enough to the house to hear us calling you just have to give it 10-15 minutes and try again.

The NCT girls are coming to my house for our weekly meetups next week! I am slightly nervous about this as I'm not entirely sure I can fit 9 people + 9 babies in my living room (we have had 2 extra join the group) and am half hoping one or two will not be able to come. It also means I have to tidy up more as their houses are all immaculate and I will feel inferior. I am going to make gingerbread men though and decorate each one with a baby's initial so hopefully they will be suitably impressed and it will gloss over the mess!!

(PS In case anyone is worried, James' sister took the photo in my icon - I wasn't expecting it - and no babies were harmed in the process!)